Thinking out loud

So, year 2009 came and went and I didn't write at all. Part of me wasn't ready to express while the other just didn't care anymore. Nothing spectacular. Same old same old. So why write anyway? I don't want anyone to know what's happening with me? I don't want to record what's happening with me? Perhaps, I just didn't want to write. Simple, right?

I started blogging to vent out, to document, to express and I guess to make myself heard. I didn't want anybody's opinions and was solely out here blogging coz I can feel better when my thoughts are in print rather than lost in space (that's when no one is listening to me). But I haven't felt so lost, so confused, so restless, so messed up like I did last year. It just didn't feel right. It wasn't me at all. I still do. But I seem to realise that I need to wake up from this slumber of not-me-traits. I am trying. It's just that, some nightmares are hard to wake up from.

The sleep drug has just begun to wear off and I hope I get myself onto my feet before I lose it all over again.