What is Marriage anyway?

This to me is intriguing even at the the brink of my very own. I have not quite figured what exactly that entails but I would love to know what my friends think about love and marriage. Keep checking back on some updates here while I interview my friends.

Here's SHR's take on it : "Love - I wouldn't use this term specifically for a bond between a girl and a guy. Love exists between any two beings. It is a feeling that comes out of affection, care, passion and compassion. Marriage to me is a promise made by two people that they would love, care and support each other to the end; promise to share life through happiness and hurdles".

MR has a funny yet realistic opinion - "Love is when a girl thinks the guy is...

as sexy as Mahesh Babu
as noble as SP Balasubramanium,
as funny as Brahmanandam,
and as athletic as Balayya

Marriage is when she realises that...
He's as sexy as brahmanandam,
as funny as Balayya,
as athletic as SP Balasubramanium
and nothing like Mahesh Babu !!!!"

Wow! Is Marriage delusional then? Perhaps.

If two people are in love or think they are, whatever 'Love' means, why do they need to get married? What promises does a Marriage make that Love does not? Aren't both supposed to be about being there for the other through thick or thin? Aren't both about forgiving, making each other feel special; knowing what they actually mean even if they say something else? You feel happy that you have this person to share your life with, however short it might be, if you are in Love or Marriage. So why get married at all? How can a Marriage compel you to stay with someone if you are not in love? Is it the 'legal' sex? Is it supposed to make you feel more civilised? Or dignified? Is it because you want your kids to have 'parents'? Is it because your favorite Gods married? What is this institution anyway? Why are we all bound to marry at some point in our lives? Why can't we just be with someone we like/love? Why the tag or the pressure?

So what does an average man or a woman think before tying the knot? What are these individuals doing in this journey of a marriage? Do they get lost somewhere between trying to be what they are meant to be and what they could have been otherwise? What happens to their free will? Or is this that? So is marriage all about losing yourself somewhere in the process of fitting in a different role?

To me, marriage (although I wish there was a neo term to describe what I have in my head, like some utopian mental world where nothing has to have the implications of the dreaded permanency) is the coming together of two individuals with an unspoken promise that they would try not to hurt each other and will help each other grow as the kind of persons they want to be in life. It's a promise to be there when things of the worst kind happen; a promise not to betray the trust they hold for the other; a willingness to watch out for one another beyond any possessiveness and neediness; to be able to let them go if that's what they need.

Marriage doesn't ask you to sacrifice your goals, ideals, interests, passion, everyday needs, friends- in short yourself. Marriage cannot be a union where the husband and wife 'need' to live together and have common goals (read marriage of minds). It cannot not be a compulsion. They are two entirely different persons with very different experiences in the past who come together with a mutual liking in the beginning and a belief later that their life would be more meaningful, happier and fulfilling with the help of the other. So marriage can have several definitions- to each their own, you know. I needn't have what my parents have, as much I like what I see there. Maybe I don't need it at all (and when I do, I'd rather have a compelling argument to back this up, or else..). And by marrying, what am I telling myself- that I have no other way of having what I have now? Or merely succumbing to what the society prefers?

Ah, maybe we are too afraid to just 'love'- because it's not necessarily scheduled to be around forever. Marriage is like an insurance- guaranteed to hold you to it. It's a security. We need it coz we are insecure? Now, now.

Does anybody believe that marriage could stagnate? Well, anything can stagnate for that matter if allowed. But if we assumed that marriage was security and that being comfortable was all we needed we wouldn't want to change anything in a given marriage. No challenges. No breakthroughs. No advances. No growth. True?

No offense to all the married couples out there, but there's something very uncomfortable about the terms 'marriage', 'husband', wife'. These are even defined in the Oxford dictionary!! I know! I have never felt good about definitions even back in school. There's something very scientific and disciplined about definitions. I feel detached with them. But not to digress, I do not want a husband and I do not want to be a wife - we sound boring and ordinary already.

I do not rally for 'singledom'. Only, life has to be more than a bunch of social norms. And if I think marriage is my society's way of telling me that I need to belong in there, and if marriage isn't just a paper at the registrar's office, should I get married? Can I defy what I believed growing up? Will I survive if I did?

P.S I definitely survived- not the marriage but not having the marriage. I'm single yet again. (June 2011)